My Bloody Valentine (2009)

Let’s rewind to 2009 and talk about a Horror remake that I think got way more hate than it deserved, My Bloody Valentine. When it dropped in theaters, it came in 3-D with a mountain of hype… Well, hype about the gimmick, and hype about Supernatural’s Jensen Ackles. Truth be told, neither excited me. I’ve never cared for 3-D, and Supernatural just didn’t click for me.

So, I skipped the theatrical run and waited for the video store release (back when those still existed). Day one, I snatched it up, eager for carnage. The original Canadian My Bloody Valentine has always been a cult favorite of mine, and with Hollywood remaking everything under the sun, I thought, “Why not bring back something that was never huge to begin with?” Sadly, my first watch was a bust. It leaned too far into glossy teen horror territory, and Ackles felt more like a pretty face being paraded around than a serious actor. I gave it two spins before returning it, disappointed.

Fast forward to this year. Strolling through Wal-Mart, I spotted the Blu-ray on sale for Valentine’s Day, and thought, “What the hell, I need some bloodshed.” It sat sealed on my shelf for months until one Saturday (my house rule: if we’re not out playing music, or watching Football, we should be watching Horror), I convinced my wife to give it a go with me.

And you know what? We both really enjoyed it. Time, and maybe Ackles’ growth as an actor, changed my perspective. His take on Tom, the haunted son who survived the original mine massacre, is actually compelling, and I found myself rooting for him.

The movie wastes no time: teenagers partying in a mine, a psychopath in full Miner gear shows up, and suddenly pickaxes are swinging, skulls are splitting, and I’m grinning. Say what you will, but not enough movies showcase the brutal artistry of pickaxe kills. The body count piles up fast, drills, pickaxes, ripped-out hearts, and one sleazy motel scene that’s equal parts absurd and glorious.

The story kicks into whodunnit mode once Tom returns to town a decade later. He’s hated by locals who think he’s selling the mine, and when the Miner strikes again, suspicion falls squarely on him. It’s a fun setup, and though I couldn’t remember the twist ending, it kept me hooked.

Now, let’s be clear, outside of Tom, the characters are paper-thin. Most are written so flat and annoying you want to see them gutted, and honestly, I was fine with that. This isn’t a film about heart and romance; it’s about blood, gore, and creative pickaxe carnage. On that front, it absolutely delivers.

Compared to the 1981 original, this version lacks the twisted romanticism and the Valentine Bluffs charm. Renaming the town “Harmony” was bland, and the Valentine’s Day theme is more backdrop than driving force. Still, the acting is stronger, and the kills are more outrageous, so it’s a trade-off.

If this one left you cold back in the day, I recommend revisiting it. The years have been kind, and it plays way better now. The Blu-ray release I grabbed is bare bones, packaged like some weird “romantic horror” with a cheesy slipcover, but who cares? The movie’s good enough to stay on my shelf.

Because at the end of the day, nothing says Valentine’s Day like a pickaxe to the face.