Heart Eyes Review (2024)

Valentine’s Day can suck it! Flowers wilt, chocolates melt, and people lie, but the movie Heart Eyes bleeds truth. It’s messy, mean, and drenched in so much pink and red it looks like Cupid went on a killing spree after a bad Tinder date. Finally, a Slasher that understands what we all know deep down: love is just foreplay for violence for some couples.

So, here’s the setup: Ally McCabe is a sharp-tongued designer for a jewelry company pushing some “tragic lovers” campaign, think Romeo and Juliet, but with hashtags. Meanwhile, a real psycho, the Heart Eyes Killer, is busy carving couples into confetti all across Seattle. This freak wears a glowing heart-mask that looks like something you’d find in a cursed Etsy store, and every time he shows up, somebody’s getting their relationship status changed to deceased.

Ally gets stuck working with Jay Simmons, this smooth ad-guru who believes in love. YIKES! They hate each other, they bicker, they flirt, they fake kiss and suddenly everyone thinks they’re dating. Which means guess who’s next on the killer’s hit list? It’s our fake couple of the year.

From there, it’s blood and hilarious banter in equal doses. The film swings between rom-com charm and full-tilt Horror carnage without ever losing its footing. The kills are mean - knives, hammers and flag poles it's creative as hell. You can practically smell the latex and fake blood. When the Heart Eyes Killer shows up, the whole movie ramps up. He’s got that classic Slasher vibe, part performance art and unadulterated carnage.

But here’s where it really rules halfway through, the story flips. It’s not just one killer; it’s a damn duet. A pair of psychos who’ve turned murder into a love language. It’s Bonnie and Clyde with butcher knives. Their chemistry’s sickening and perfect, and it drags everything straight into madness.

By the final act, Ally’s done playing victim. She’s all adrenaline and rage, fighting back through fire, blood, and heartbreak. No love songs here, just screams of survival and the crunch of bones. The ending is both brutal and beautiful.

Heart Eyes is Horror with a sugar rush; a Slasher dipped in cake frosting and broken glass. It’s glossy, grimy, and totally self-aware without feeling cheap.

My wife and I almost never see eye to eye on movies, she’s all about rom-coms and happy endings, and I’m here for Horror and carnage. But Heart Eyes hit this weird, sweet spot where both worlds collided in glorious, blood-splattered harmony. It’s got just enough charm for her and just enough body count for me. And while she’ll never admit it, I’m pretty sure she enjoyed Heart Eyes a hell of a lot more than she’s willing to confess.