Ghoulies Review (1984)

This flick is pure midnight-movie slime, the kind of thing you put on when you’ve had a few beers, the lights are low, and you want something that makes you question your life choices halfway through, but you keep watching it anyway. It’s got that greasy, VHS grime that could only come from the golden age of rubber monsters and bad decisions. I’m still trying to put together how my mom was ok with me watching it with her back in the day.

The story’s simple: a guy inherits a creepy old house and decides to throw some occult parties instead of calling an exterminator, because, you know, priorities. Before long, he’s neck-deep in demonic nonsense, and here comes the Ghoulies, those little toilet-dwelling gremlins that look like they were sculpted by a deranged Muppet artist on a cocaine bender.

The creatures themselves are the real stars here. They don’t make a lot of sense, but they don’t need to. They’re gross, hilarious, and somehow adorable. Every time they pop up, it’s like a reminder that the 80’s really didn’t give a shit about logic, just latex, fog machines, and the occasional sacrificial chant.

The human cast is serviceable at best, which is exactly what a movie like this needs. Everyone’s either wearing way too much eyeliner, reciting Latin like they learned from the back of a cereal box, or screaming their lungs out at something that’s clearly being pulled by fishing wire. Honestly, that’s part of the charm. It’s not about believable acting, it’s about the camp, and the weird feeling that this whole movie might’ve been shot in someone’s basement over a long weekend.

What I love about Ghoulies is that it’s not trying to be Evil Dead or Gremlins, even though it gets compared to them sometimes. It’s got its own scrappy, low-budget personality, a kind of “we know this is dumb, but we’re going for it anyway” feeling. You can almost feel the crew behind the camera saying, “Yeah, this might end up in the bargain bin… but it’ll rule there.”

When the credits roll, you’re left with that sweet aftertaste of nostalgia, cheap practical effects, and occult absurdity. Ghoulies is the cinematic equivalent of a gas station hot dog at 2 AM, questionable, messy, but somehow it hits the spot every time. And if you really want to live on the wild side, watch Ghoulies II, the absurdity is really cut loose.